So the past few days have been pretty interesting for me.
A lot of stuff has happened, I’ve learnt a lot about myself, been through a fair bit emotional stuff and thought I’d give some assessment on how I’m feeling right now.
First off I want to apologize for generally being a massive prick over the past god knows how long.
The abrupt points I was making in regards to people getting excited about short term results and how it’s -life ev were stupid.
An error in pretty much a lot of things I’ve done over again god knows how long was trying to compare the acts of human beings against what a robot what do.
This was just a big mistake by me, one it makes me come across as an asshole and two it gives off the impression that we should strive to be like robots.
We’re human beings we need to have fun and me pointing out every single flaw someone/something has is ironically -life ev too.
I should just stop caring as much. I’ve been a cynical person for a while but I’ve started to realize it doesn’t gain me much if anything.
The other day I made some comment to a friend amount dramatic degen being an idiot for playing the hot 162 (some similar tournament) and when on about how he didn’t have an edge in it and whatever.
Like who cares, who am I to judge anyone on that kind of stuff, I shouldn’t even care about this stuff, he should be able to do what he wants.
tl;dr for the above, sorry for being a prick, we’re a community here and me jumping on minor flaws people have when I have a bunch of my own is a waste of my time and rude to you also.
Recently had another death of someone who I knew through family earlier this week. I actually spoke to the person at my grandmothers funeral a couple of months ago and everything was fine. Cancer is so cruel… This kind of stuff is always harder for me to deal with then I think. I don’t think morbidly about how I’m going to die one day or anything, I just think it’s unfair and I spend a lot of my time being generally frustrated as a result. Not to mention I have to be there for my mum and sister a lot and support them through it too.
My laptop is kind of on the edge atm, I think I split a couple drops of water on it and have taken it apart and part of the motherboard has oxidised, a very small part but still a part. I learnt more about computers today then every before, kind of fun actually, using it at this very moment so glad I (hopefully) wont have to ship out and buy a new one.
I’ve been in this kind of limbo as of late too. I think I need to have more general outlets so I can be a bit happier then I am currently. As of now, lots of stress/nightmares etc which I haven’t had since I was a child.
I guess some plans for me for the summer are to run a lot more, keep getting decent mtt volume, be nicer to people, learn the piano, help others more. I need to get out of my own head too.
Anyway that’s it, hopefully get to play a decent sunday schedule tomorrow!
I don’t plan on deleting any posts or hiding from the past either, I think if anything it identifies how quickly a persons views on somethings can change. I used to always have this outlook that I was a certain way and if people didn’t like that screw them. In reality I feel that as a person you have to be proactive and willing to change too if you want to get the most out of life.